I'm still not sure if this area is a glittering sea of opportunity for first-time writers, or a brown tidemark of washed-up authors and illiterate wannabes. Regardless, in I jumped.
I photoshopped a suitably fiery cover using some nice Creative Commons images, and set about formatting.
Now formatting, for those who haven't done it, is the most boring, onerous and tedious job ever created. Tabs are wrong, indents are coded and block paragraphs are BAD. Formatting takes a long time, and frequently you find that your once-beautifully-arranged text misbehaves with each new rule you eagerly attempt to apply.
I think I resubmitted my text to Smashwords about ten times before I was happy with it, and a similar number to Amazon. But there we are.